I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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