a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
