DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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