this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
