they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Of course I have a pirate flag
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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