So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
