tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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