Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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