I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize