I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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