i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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