His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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