Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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