My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
