My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
