My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
please come you make the beer taste better
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
