His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
