My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
