...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
