I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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