Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
