I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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