Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
