No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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