Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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