why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
