dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
