you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
