I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
