I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
