Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
