Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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