yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
