Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
