I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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