DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
