I'm lost and stupid without you.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think your dad took our porno
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize