i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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