I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
