I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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