Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
