Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
