Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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