I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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