How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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