We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
