dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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