My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
