Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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