Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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