I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
