I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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