I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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