Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
