You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
