Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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