look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
