How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
