About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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