Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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