you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
