I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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