:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize