I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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