It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize