haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Are my feet made of real feet?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
