her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
