Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
