Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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