I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
