Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
